Mark’s Takes

Here goes my boy Mark’s take on some Token Weird stories that are dominating the web world this week:

Listen, it would be easy to stand up and club the idea of a US Moon colony. The economy sucks; no one can find jobs, the housing market on Earth blows, blah blah. But let’s shoot it straight for a minute- how fucking cool would this be?! I’m picturing Total Recall minus all the freaks with heads growing out of their stomachs. You think I want to deal with Earth problems like pollution, global warming and feeding the entire continent of Africa? Fuck No. I’ll just sell the shit out of some moon rocks and smash smokeshows in my zero gravity moon mansion. Get at me Newt if you’re looking for the next Moon Senator!

If these nut jobs want to view the world through rainbow colored glasses and slap hi fives saying we are living in the post racial epoch then more power to them. But this post isn’t about that, instead I’m continually dumbfounded by the type of BS courses available at college these days. I mean “whiteness studies”?! I can write the syllabus for this GPA booster in one sentence. Suburban house, golden retriever, silver minivan, soccer practice, sunny D, family dinner at 6. Was that even a sentence? Who fucking cares, if you’re even ¼ white and your parents are paying for your college you should be shot for even considering taking this.
Honestly I’ve become so jaded by these beat-down videos that I’m unimpressed by this. Yeah this dude got this shit kicked in on the middle of the street but it really wasn’t that bad. Essentially it was a one on one fight where one kid didn’t do anything and ends up running away. It really takes the backpack gang barbarically raping/pillaging Panama Beach or that Asian kid who took a 7 minute stomping and kept getting up to hold my attention. Fight video’s are kind of like porn in that regard- what used to get me hot and bothered just doesn’t cut it anymore. I need a reality scene where coffee barista keeps messing up and order and the customer comes over the counter and plugs the shit outta her. This is 2012 bro, save your windmill punching style for pillow fights with your gayball friends.


This is a fad? What fucking planet am I on?! This just looks retarded. So big deal, this butterball takes a spoonful of cinnamon and attempts to swallow it with water. Anyways, I’m more impressed with the sweet deal the principle got out of watching this atrocity, which was “paid administrative leave.” Um, you meant to tell me that I can get paid to not do my job by watching morons try and eat table spices? Where the fuck do I sign up?
PS- this brother needs to have his Hood Card revoked. Shameful.
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Posted on February 2, 2012, in mark's takes, Token Sports. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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